I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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