I will die if light touches me.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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