Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
