omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
