lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
