4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
