Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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