bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
