Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
