Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she looked like the before picture.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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