I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
