I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
