3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
