my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
