Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
