Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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