u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
