god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
