Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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