After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
