I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
