Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
