I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
