I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
