Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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