i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
