we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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