at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
