you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
