remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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