I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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