i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
