he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
