I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
