i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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