FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
