And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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