break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
