I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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