I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
