dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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