And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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