3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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