You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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