i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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