So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
