My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
