I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
