Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
