i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
