When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
