i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
