she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
