Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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