First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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