just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
