I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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