ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
