He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
