She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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