how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize