I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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