so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
