After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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