Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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