Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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