So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
