You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
