I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
