if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
