I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
