You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
