Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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