My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
