why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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