Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize