You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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