I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
